I was feeling really low today. It seemed like everything was hitting me all at once and I didn’t see a way up. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel I’m in and I was at the end of my rope. Use whatever cliche you must, but understand, I was *done*. I spent the morning writing and, when I could handle no more, I came home and told Brendan that all mommy wanted was some cuddling time. That’s it. Being 4 years old, cuddle time doesn’t last long with him and we got up and started moving around. Right about the time they left to get Caiden from school, I got slammed again. This time, with a phone call from my attorney. It wasn’t pretty.
It was at that exact moment when the end was near. I was to the point of no return. I texted my friend Meg, a jumbled mess and I’m surprised she understood me and she started telling me to do one thing, then another, then another. It reminded me of a time when my dad would tell me there’s always a way and a path. Just put one foot down and then put the other foot in front of that one. I was, quite literally, laying in bed with my pillows covering my head this afternoon, in between texting Meg.
Eventually, I would climb out of bed and start doing one thing which lead to another and eventually, I was sitting at Shari’s, eating dinner with the change in my pockets (which is all we had left), typing inventory into one computer and processing a video that I’d been paid to create on the other computer.
And then I got a phone call. A friend of roughly 6 years needed computer work of a sort from me and was wondering if I was interested. The pay was enough to repay friends who had helped me financially and give me a few dollars in the bank to survive until ex #1 got paid and/or my fiduciary came through with my allowance. The Nanny and I actually begged her mother to take her shopping yesterday so we could have the basics to get by for the week.
I ran over there to talk to her and set things up the way she wanted and I left there with money in my pocket. Mind you, it’s a check, but a check can be cashed, moms can be repaid and live can go on. In the midst of all that, I got a distraction from my woes and a reason to keep pushing forward – a new job to do. A small one but a job, nonetheless. A reason to keep pushing forward.
As I said on my Facebook wall, “Thank You, God and please, let me be worthy of what You just did for me.”