I am not ashamed

Today, Joel Osteen Ministries posted, “Quit dwelling on the negative things people have said about you. You don’t have to have everyone’s approval. You have God’s approval.”

I feel compelled to write this post. The message from Joel Osteen seemed perfect timing to finally sit down and hash it all out on paper – digital paper, that is. It has been brewing in me for several weeks and I thought about it all morning while I was making my “Recipe” section look nicer and easier to read/follow as far as directions for things I’ve added to my own personal cookbook. A side note: The Recipe section is getting filled out nicely. Feel free to check out the recipes I’ve gotten up there and make suggestions/comments of your own. Also, watch for more changes there as I get things the way I want them, now that the boys are in school and I’ve time to sit and “play” with it.

I’ve made quite a few choices over the years; some good and some bad. The two biggest decisions are in school right now and I regret them not one second of my life. Of course they do things that upset me. Undoubtedly I lose my temper and perform as a mother in ways I shouldn’t. The core of me loves them and does the best I can and regrets have to be put aside.

I’ve owned a business. I’ve failed at it – through my own actions. I’ve allowed myself to be “manipulated” into marriage when, up to the very last minute beforehand, I knew it was wrong. I’ve moved my children when I swore I would keep them in the same house their entire lives. Don’t ask me about my finances – I’ve a fiduciary that handles them and won’t take them back for all the money in the world. I’ve lost a home because I gave up caring about life – only taking care of children to the best of my abilities and nothing else (during a period of time when my back was at its worst).

In all of that, I made a decision in June. On my 40th birthday, I decided – what I was doing wasn’t working. I’d only been separated from ex #2 for a month and a half and it failed miserably. I should have listened to my own internal warnings, but I did not. Be that as it may, I came to a realization that I needed to find a new way of life. A new future.

I started this blog and, to get further in my process of a new life, started doing research. I decided that I needed to start living simply and not worry so much about all the things (a lot of) people require in todays’ society. Living the 1950s was born out of a need to redirect my future and continue in a positive, non-regretful path.

I think I’m working slowly towards the goal; however, I do so without very many regrets. I am doing what I feel best for me and my family and not worrying about the past or what people may (or may not) think about me. I can’t live constantly worrying about what people think of what I’ve been and done in the past. I can’t hang my head in shame because I’ve made mistakes and screwed things up.

I have to get up and keep going or I’ve nothing to teach my children.

Isn’t God the only one who can condemn a person’s mistakes? The common man must either, give another chance or walk away from the person they feel like condemning. If the heart is in the right spot, then God can forgive and give another chance – freely and without reservation.

That’s where I’m at. I’m in my “another” chance. I’m working towards the favor of God by trying to redirect and redo my life toward a better future. And, in doing so, give my children a brighter and better future.

So, am I ashamed of where I come from? Nope.

Am I worried what others may think or feel about where I am in my life? I try not to be. Am I ashamed of my choices? No, I’m not. I rather wish I hadn’t made them. Am I dealing with some of the repercussions of some of my not-so-bright choices? Yep, I am. However, in the process of dealing with them, I am working towards not making those same choices again.

My God forgives and allows mistakes. I live by His grace and understanding.

Thank you for listening,

Naia.

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Categories: Religion | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “I am not ashamed

  1. Life is messy. It rarely runs from a to b in a clean line. The most important thing in my opinion is to forgive yourself. to give yourself a mental hug. You may have made mistakes which are clear with hindsight and you are learning from them and moving forward. Mistakes can be made with the best of intentions, in the moment with the knowledge and skills you had to hand facing the challanges and pain you were at the time.
    One of the great things to keep in mind about other people is A. They are more often than not worrying about their own troubles and concerns and not you or yours. B. if they are looking and judging you they are either doing so to fill a void in their own life or to try and feel better about themselves. So in short none of it is anything to worry about.
    Keep strong, keep being a lovely wonderful ( human- not super human) Mum for your boys. one day at a time. Its all any of us can do.
    ( i sent your header hope you got it ok 🙂

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