I’ve been browsing, reading, studying the book of Matthew in the Bible. Not all of it. Just parts where Jesus is teaching and talking to everyone He comes across. I feel like I am starting to *know* Him. Not as I should. I know that. As I read, I also know that I am, most probably, a huge disappointment to Him.
One thing keeps banging around in my head as I read. I wish I could have lived in that time and actually “felt” His touch. A hug, perhaps. Arms wrapped around and sheltering me from the world.
One of my biggest problems in life is the desire to be held. I’m learning to do without – especially because of my last year’s stupidity. I have to learn that I won’t get it and move on. Quit trying and accept where I am at in life.
It has caused me no end of trouble, wanting and needing this so badly.
Maybe, if I had lived in His time, I would have felt His touch and not want any other. Maybe I wouldn’t have such a desire that causes so many problems.
I know some would say they can feel Him all the time. I’ve never, to my knowledge. I wonder what it would feel like.
Thank you for listening,