I am tired

As I sit here, waiting for everyone to wake up, I realize, I am tired. I need a way to rejuvenate. Without giving up all the ground I’ve gained. And yes, I have gained a lot.

I see my babies all the time. I am a piece of them (and they are a piece of me) instead of the working world.

I have a well-kept home. By my hand, not by the one that was helping me with my boys while I was chasing a paycheck.

I said I gained a lot but right now, I can’t think of anything else. I guess that is a sign of how tired I am. Physically and mentally.

I still stress finances. I have to watch how much goes out because not a lot is coming in. For our weekend summer fun, I sold off 50 of my movies. I asked my fiduciary if I had any extra dollars for the weekend. She granted it.

I stress what to do with the boys to keep them active and give them an enjoyable summer.

I stress that I am doing things “right” instead of wrong. Obviously I was doing things wrong before – everything fell apart, blew up, left me in shattered pieces.

I stress what is going to happen with the divorce from ex #2. It is still not settled and I don’t know what he/it will do to me and mine next.

I stress our one vehicle being old and falling apart. Every time I drive it somewhere, I feel this is it. It’s gonna break for the last time. Then, my family and I will be pickled.

I stress all that I am not getting done. I need to do more. Always need to do more. I don’t do enough, have enough hours in a day to get it all done.

I am tired. I’m not sure how to get the umph. Sometimes, I just want to give up on all of it. I am tired of always being the one to pick up and carry on. This time, trying to get a good night’s sleep didn’t work.

However, when the babies wake, I have to plaster a smile, make it look real, and carry on. They should never see mom broken or falling down.

Anyone know what I mean?

Thank you for listening,

Naia.

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Categories: Breakfast, Family | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “I am tired

  1. Donna

    Allow yourself time to make the adjustments necessary. It’s tough right now, I know. Been there, done that….but it does get better. Umph comes a little more every day as you take care of prioritized things, and most importantly take care of yourself.

    • Thank you, Grandma Donna. 🙂 Your words mean much to me.

    • I hear faking it until you make it works pretty well. It kept me going for years. I hope it gets better quickly for you. It’s good that you’re dedicating yourself to family and home, but even then it’s important for your kids to see you taking time for yourself. It’s part of taking care of You. Because you are very important!

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