As I sit here, waiting for everyone to wake up, I realize, I am tired. I need a way to rejuvenate. Without giving up all the ground I’ve gained. And yes, I have gained a lot.
I see my babies all the time. I am a piece of them (and they are a piece of me) instead of the working world.
I have a well-kept home. By my hand, not by the one that was helping me with my boys while I was chasing a paycheck.
I said I gained a lot but right now, I can’t think of anything else. I guess that is a sign of how tired I am. Physically and mentally.
I still stress finances. I have to watch how much goes out because not a lot is coming in. For our weekend summer fun, I sold off 50 of my movies. I asked my fiduciary if I had any extra dollars for the weekend. She granted it.
I stress what to do with the boys to keep them active and give them an enjoyable summer.
I stress that I am doing things “right” instead of wrong. Obviously I was doing things wrong before – everything fell apart, blew up, left me in shattered pieces.
I stress what is going to happen with the divorce from ex #2. It is still not settled and I don’t know what he/it will do to me and mine next.
I stress our one vehicle being old and falling apart. Every time I drive it somewhere, I feel this is it. It’s gonna break for the last time. Then, my family and I will be pickled.
I stress all that I am not getting done. I need to do more. Always need to do more. I don’t do enough, have enough hours in a day to get it all done.
I am tired. I’m not sure how to get the umph. Sometimes, I just want to give up on all of it. I am tired of always being the one to pick up and carry on. This time, trying to get a good night’s sleep didn’t work.
However, when the babies wake, I have to plaster a smile, make it look real, and carry on. They should never see mom broken or falling down.
Anyone know what I mean?
Thank you for listening,